A proposito del padre

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Nell’ascoltare e nel leggere Massimo Recalcati e altri autori del nostro tempo emerge continuamente la visione del padre come di una figura debole, assente o addirittura evaporata. Siamo tutti d’accordo nel dire che l’autorità paterna è in crisi da tempo ma ci sono valide ragioni perché lo sia. Quella stessa autorità di cui tanto si sente la mancanza ha provocato disagi, sensi di colpa e paure nei figli che, ad un certo punto, mossi da una sana aggressività, si sono ribellati per sancire la libertà di poter essere e diventare se stessi. Sicuramente assistiamo a stili sempre più amicali e orizzontali che confondono i riferimenti e faticano ad esercitare una funzione adulta e paterna sufficientemente normativa. Se poi adottiamo una prospettiva più freudiana, pensiero ormai assimilato e installato dentro la nostra interpretazione del mondo, il padre sembra aver perso il ruolo di colui che taglia il cordone ombelicale spingendo il figlio verso il mondo; al contrario il padre viene accusato di assumere sempre più funzioni materne quando invece servirebbe più severità, fermezza e determinazione. Ebbene, io sono stufo di questa visione, vera per certi versi, ma non esaustiva e troppo viziata da presupposti teorici non adattabili al nostro tempo. Mi piacerebbe che si affrontasse questo tema con più curiosità esplorativa. Si potrebbe partire per esempio dall’ascoltare le storie dei padri contemporanei sospendendo il giudizio e cercando di comprenderne più a fondo l’esperienza soggettiva. Io credo che i padri contemporanei siano il risultato di una buona evoluzione psicologica, sociale e culturale. Liberi di quel senso doveristico che imponeva al pater familias di essere maschio, duro, irreprensibile, indistruttibile, anaffettivo e capace di sostenere tutta la famiglia sulle proprie spalle, i padri di oggi possono essere finalmente affettuosi, fragili e presenti con i propri figli. I padri di oggi possono essere più umani e trasmettere questa possibilità ai propri figli che nel loro essere maschi o femmine o altro, possono sentirsi liberi di contattare ed esprimere la propria fragilità per come si esprime senza doversi sentire insigniti di ruoli e/o missioni impossibili. I padri di oggi possono prendersi permessi lavorativi per stare con i propri figli. Ci sono storie di padri rimasti da soli e che in questa condizione si sono inventati uno stile genitoriale unico e speciale in cui la cura e la presenza rappresentano il cuore della relazione con il figlio. Insomma cerchiamo di uscire dalla visione del padre assente che ha perso il suo carisma e la sua autorità ed esploriamo invece la qualità della sua presenza nelle sue diverse forme e possibilità.

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